There had only been one thing I’d ever struggled with in life:
spelling. Thank goodness for modern-day inventions, such as spell check. I have
tried out for teams/sports and not made them throughout my life. Basketball
team at the end of 7th grade, but who was I kidding? I’m the least
coordinated person when it comes to walking and dribbling. I am pretty sure the
only reason I made it to the second day of try-outs was because of my height!
Middle school dance team—again, not coordinated. I’m not sure why I had the idea
I would make it! The Golden Band from Tiger Land in college—never even had a
chance on that one, but I had a great time at the weeklong try-out. I don’t
regret the time I spent, just that I wasn’t ever able to play in Tiger Stadium.
Turns out all three of those were blessings in disguise. Instead of basketball,
I played soccer. Instead of dance team, I was in the band, and I have skills I
still enjoy using to this day! I also met lots of friends in the band, and that’s
even partly how I met one of my closest college friends! Instead of LSU
marching band, I was an RA and had college completely covered 2 out of 3 years,
so that turned out to be a very good switch!
There are some things that people struggle with that aren’t ever discussed—infertility and miscarriage. Yep, those two words that are often whispered about behind closed doors, but never out in the open. I used to wonder why people never broadcast those issues, so that people could pray for the situation or maybe offer advice that could help. How naïve was I, right? Granted, some people are open about it, but I’ve learned most aren’t. Up until now, I’ve been one to tell a small number of people our struggles. It is not that I don’t want people to know, but I don’t want the questions and “advice” that goes along with it. I *know* some people mean well, but hearing “it was for the best” or “so are you pregnant again yet?!” (when it’s been only a month since you had your miscarriage) got old pretty quickly. However, I was shocked, in a good way, that some people found out, told me they were so sorry and praying for me, and then, did not offer any unsought advice, only mentioning if I wanted their advice/experience, they would share, but only if I asked. Most people do have good intentions, but unless you’ve experienced a miscarriage or struggle with infertility, it is hard to know how to help.
I thought people may appreciate knowing our journey. Some people may already know our journey. I have told people in person some of it, but I thought it would be good to write it all down for those who are interested in reading it, especially those friends and family members who live out of town. It all started in November/December of 2012. I was within a semester of finishing my Master’s, Gifted Certification, and +30 (30 additional hours beyond my Master’s, which in the teaching field results in a pay increase similar to the raise that results from a Master’s degree). I took 39 hours that school year, along with teaching Algebra II, Geometry, Pre-Calculus, and Calculus. I was stressed to the max, and I was constantly getting headaches, which I thought may be related to the birth control I was taking. Brandon told me I was having lots of headaches, more than he thought was normal. I honestly believe he thought I was making them up sometimes; oh how I wish I were! I told my husband I would stop taking the birth control pill, and sure enough, it was the main cause of my headaches. Within a week or so, I was no longer getting headaches. When I went in for my yearly appointment in January, 2013, I told Dr. Jackson (GYN) I had stopped taking the pill because it gave me bad headaches. She told me I should be aware of the side effects (pregnancy!) of not taking the birth control, but I told her there were other options for birth control that didn’t involve me feeling like I was not myself. Brandon and I had discussed our options, and we decided that if I got pregnant, we would be okay with it. I knew I could get pregnant, but it would certainly be God’s plan, so it would be okay. We weren’t planning for that to happen, but we weren’t planning for it to *not* happen either. I would be finished with all of my school work before the baby came and we would be able to make it work financially.
At my next appointment (January 2014), I asked about things to try as we had decided at that point that we were ready to actually begin trying to conceive and she said to just give it the year, since I was so young (turning 24 the next month), and see what happened. She told me to get some ovulation kits to use and explained how those worked. We discussed doctors I would use once I became pregnant, since she had just recently quit delivering babies, as well as medicine I needed to be taking.
Flash forward to the end of 2014. I had an appointment with Dr. Jackson again. Nothing happened during 2014 besides irregularity, lots and lots of irregularity. She started me on some medicine to induce a period and then I began my first round of 50 mg of Clomid in January. Clomid is a drug that is supposed to help you ovulate; something that I’ve learned must happen in order for you to get pregnant. No ovulation, although it did help me become more regular. February, we again did a dosage of 50 mg; again, nothing. March and April we did a dosage of 100 mg, along with blood tests and ultrasounds, which showed the medicine was not working. In May we tried 150 mg, which is apparently the highest dosage that’s been shown to be effective. The blood work and ultrasounds said it didn’t work. I took a pregnancy test on day 27—negative. After another week and a half, on day 37, I woke up at 4 AM to use the restroom. Since the tests say to use the test in the morning, I took the test then. To say I was shocked that it was positive is an understatement. I was so surprised that I woke up Brandon to tell him. While he was excited, he wanted to know why I woke him up so early to tell him. Oops!! I quickly looked up when I would be due: 2-17-16, my MamMaw’s 84rd birthday and the day before my 26th birthday! How exciting!! Here are the videos I recorded of us telling Barry and Kellie (Brandon's parents) and Jeff, Laura, Anne, and Colton (Anne's husband).
I sent a secure message to the nurse that morning to let her know the good news. Since it was right in the middle of swimming lessons, I was in the pool 9:00-7:30 every day and couldn’t schedule an appointment until lessons were over. In hindsight, that was a huge blessing. Monday, July 27th is when I went in for my first appointment at 11 weeks with Dr. LeBleu. Two weeks before our appointment, I told Brandon I was worried something was wrong. I couldn’t explain it, but I just didn’t feel like everything was like it should be. Later, my sister would say I had my maternal instinct kick in. We had prepared lots of questions: can we still take our ski vacation over Thanksgiving, what are the next steps, what medicine do I need to be taking, how long is it okay for me to play my oboe (this was a legitimate question for me!), etc. As soon as she started looking at the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong. The doctor was too quiet; she was looking far too long. I’m crying before she even speaks, because I know what she’s going to say. She starts talking about our options, but she wants me to come in for an appointment the following week to compare blood levels. She used the word blighted ovum at one point. When she asks if we have any questions, I’m barely able to say no. All of the questions we had prepared were irrelevant. Who thinks to have these other questions prepared for their very first appointment? Not me.
Brandon helped me to my car, and somehow I drove home. Brandon went to work to tell his team what just happened, and he got sent home. Thankfully, Brandon called our parents, whom we had told at 6 weeks on Father’s Day and my mom called my sister. My parents showed up at our house and my sister texted me. All of this is somewhat of a blur for me. I remember sitting in the recliner for a lot of that week. I texted a few girls in our Sunday School class and told them, but I wasn’t one who was going to post about it on social media. The following week, I went in for a second appointment. There’s still nothing on the ultrasound, or at least no baby. The blood tests show my levels have dropped from 15,000 to 5,000 or some drastic drop, if those numbers aren’t accurate. This appointment I’ve prepared for and am able to discuss the three options: wait and let it happen naturally, take medicine to force it to happen, or have a D&C. I decided to take the first option and just wait and see. Several people, including my Sunday School teacher (who is a NP at the Woman’s Clinic) told me I should go ahead and schedule the D&C so I could move on more quickly (school was starting in seven days). I felt like the medicine and the D&C were like an abortion, even though that’s not the case at all. I was still holding out hope that the doctor was wrong because I had my dates completely off. Since the ultrasound and blood work back in May had been wrong, I thought maybe I was just not nearly as far along as we had originally thought. I wanted to let nature take its course, just in case there was still a baby inside me. I just couldn’t risk the chance. I would always be wondering “what if…”
The following day, I started bleeding, and it continued for 19 days, most of which occurred during the first two weeks of school. No one told me how painful it would be, nor how I would cry every time I used the restroom and was reminded of the miscarriage. During the middle of all this, we purchased Brandon a new truck. We had decided that Brandon's Mustang wouldn't be the best option for him, once we had a baby and car seat to include in our travels. We looked earlier in the summer, but decided to wait until August to purchase a truck. Right in the middle of this, Brandon learned of a new truck that was being sold at almost a 20% discount. We made the decision to continue with the truck purchase, so we drove an hour away to look at it and ended up purchasing it that day. We had originally planned to have some sort of Facebook announcement that mentioned how he had to upgrade his vehicle to prepare for a new passenger, but circumstances changed that plan. Here he is with his new truck!
I went back for an appointment after I stopped bleeding. I was told that there was still tissue in my uterus, and if it wasn’t removed, it would create scarring that could prevent me from ever becoming pregnant. The options were medicine or D&C. No one told me the “natural” option wouldn’t necessarily take care of the issue, or maybe I just didn’t listen when they said it. I was completely unprepared for having to make that decision, so Dr. LeBleu called in medicine for me. I could fill it or not, but I needed to make a decision within the month, to prevent the scarring. Wednesday evening, I’m at orchestra practice and I learn that a girl in our church who I’ve gotten to know through her husband and another mutual friend has recently had the same experience as me. She decided to take the medicine Wednesday, and it ended in her being admitted to the ER. After our mutual friend prompted me, I texted her to ask her opinion about medicine vs. D&C. She told me exactly what happened with her when she took the medicine and strongly encouraged me to take a different route. I had another friend who had had two miscarriages. She did the medicine the first time and a D&C the second time. She said the D&C was much better because with the medicine, you had to go in for an appointment every week until your blood work was back to normal.
Thursday morning, I call the doctor’s office to see about scheduling a D&C and how that would work. Normally, they are scheduled for Tuesday and then I wouldn’t be allowed to work the following day, but it just so happened my doctor had two procedures scheduled for the next day (Friday, August 28th) and I could schedule it for then, thus allowing me to miss only one day of work. As a teacher, we get only 10 days a year, and I try to be very careful with them. I’m told they are critically important when you have a child! I went down during 2nd hour to find out how I request a substitute (I’ve only ever taken two days off at this point, so I wasn’t sure of the procedure for a last minute request). The front secretary explained what to do and it was fairly simple. I wanted to discuss with Brandon, and the nurse told me if I decided to go ahead, call back ASAP and tell the front desk the nurse said to put me through, so they could get all the paperwork submitted for me to have the procedure Friday. Before I got a chance to speak with Brandon, our sweet secretary emailed me and told me she had entered everything for me and told me I was good to go for Friday.
After discussing with Brandon at lunch and ensuring it wouldn’t be an issue for him to take off Friday as well, we decided to go ahead with the procedure the following day. I called the nurse and was told the nurse was still at lunch, so I asked Brandon to call and let her know. After school, Brandon tells me he hasn’t been able to get through and hasn’t been called back. When I called, the receptionist refused to put me through, even when I explained the situation. I began crying, and explained how important it was that we talk to her immediately and how we had taken off work but the nurse didn’t know we did want to do the procedure Friday. I think she must have called back to the nurse after I hung up, because the nurse called me back within minutes. We weren’t too late, but I had to be at Glenwood before 4:00 (at this point, less than 30 minutes away) to preregister for the procedure. I went and was preregistered, and then went home and packed a bag for the hospital with games, a jacket, books, water, etc.
We showed up at the hospital extra early, because I was nervous and wanted to make sure we found the area in time. My mom ended up coming to the room before too long to wait with us. Also, apparently you can’t wear contacts under anesthesia. I didn’t pack glasses, so I was almost blind for the morning. Right before my friend came to visit me before the procedure, we were told we got bumped up since we had gotten there early. My friend came in right as the nurse came to give me medicine and take me back. Even without my contacts or glasses, I could see the Alabama headband on the nurse's head! After what feels like a minute, I woke up in the super cold room they leave you in until you come out of the anesthesia. They wheeled me back to my room, where my friend was still waiting! She was so sweet! It turns out that “minute” was actually an hour, and she helped keep Brandon distracted and talking the whole time, along with my mom, dad, and my in-laws. Kellie and Barry (Brandon’s parents) went and got us lunch, thinking we’d be in the hospital for a few hours, but almost immediately after they left, we were sent home, and I was told to rest for the weekend. So we ended up getting our lunch delivered to our house!
I went back to school the following Monday and had a fairly normal week. Then Friday, one week after the D&C, I began bleeding heavily at school. I called the nurse and she said it had to be more than soaking a pad within two hours to be considered bad. I texted my NP Sunday School teacher at lunch when it began to get worse and she said I should just leave school and go to the doctor. At this point, I only had two more classes to get through, and I figured I would be okay until school got out. I had been going to the restroom between classes and was staying seated during class because my students were all taking a test that day. Towards the end of my next to last class, I stood up to get things ready for the last class and that’s when I knew something was wrong. As soon as the bell rang, I went to the restroom and called my mom to come get me. Brandon was in a meeting, and I had told him I was fine before it started, so he went ahead with the meeting. I went back to class, got the students started on their test, emailed the secretary and found out they could finish their test in the library when my mom arrived. Mom says she went 85+ down the interstate to get me to the doctor’s office, where my NP Sunday School teacher and Brandon were meeting us. She determined I needed to be admitted to the hospital and we went straight to St. Francis, where I ended up spending the night. Originally, they thought they were going to have to do another D&C, but they gave me medicine and were able to get the bleeding to stop somehow. Saturday morning, we were able to go home and thankfully, it was a long weekend (Labor Day Weekend). I rested all weekend, and tried to take it more slowly the following week.
One week later (two weeks after the initial procedure), I went back for
my post-op visit and was told everything looked great. I needed to wait two cycles
before we began trying again, which was okay with me, because I was not
mentally prepared for that just yet. My heart was broken, but my mind was still
reeling. One way that helped me begin to prepare my heart for a new baby was to finish my baby quilt I had started back when we first began considering having a baby. I never thought about the fact that we would be having a rainbow baby when I began this quilt, but now it is quite fitting for us! A rainbow baby is a baby that you have after you have a miscarriage or some other infant loss. Just like in the Bible where God gives Noah a rainbow as a sign of his promise to never flood the whole earth with water again, the term "rainbow baby" comes from the same idea.
I ended up having to take medicine to force my body to have the next two periods. We went back to Dr. Jackson and in January 2016, I began 100 mg of Clomid again, to no avail. In February, we tried 150 mg, and when we got the results from my blood work, Dr. Jackson told me it was time to see a specialist. I had talked to two girls in my Sunday School class who had both just given birth in the last month to babies that resulted from specialist visits. I had planned to ask about seeing a specialist, but I didn’t even mention it before the doctor said it’s time to go. We made an appointment with Dr. Isaac’s office in Jackson, MS (2 hours away) for March 9th. Those who live in the Twin Cities may recognize that date as the start of the huge flood. School was canceled for the day, due to all of the rain from the previous evening, but we still made the long drive to Jackson for that initial appointment.
Our Heart 2 Home meeting on Sunday, March 6th included everyone making a small water color picture that included a favorite verse. I chose Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" I felt that it would be a good reminder to have on my desk at school. It helped me remember the sweet prayer the ladies at that meeting prayed over us in preparation for our visit later that week as we continued to wait over the next few months.
Dr. Isaac and his nurse, Peggy, were extremely nice. The doctor said based off my blood work from the last two months, my level was 0.8 one month and 1.4 the other month (apparently they need to be at least at 5, but 15 or higher is better), I had an ovulation issue. He said if you have to have an infertility issue, that’s the best kind to have. He laid out two options: Femera (a drug similar to Clomid, but it works better for some people who don’t respond well to Clomid) or Femera with IUI and trigger shot. He said this second option was the more aggressive option (and also more expensive), but he understood if we wanted to go ahead and try it, instead of being more passive. He said we could make the decision later and call to let them know. Either way, we would schedule an appointment once I began my next period. After discussing at home for a few weeks, I told Brandon I wanted to go the more aggressive route. I was tired of waiting and waiting and nothing happening each month. We went in April 25th for an ultrasound after taking the Femera and the doctor saw three follicles, 12, 15, and 16. The bigger two were promising. He said to get the trigger shot Thursday morning (my sweet nurse friend who I mentioned went to the ER for her miscarriage gave it to me—she was already pregnant and was more than willing to help us out) and we would come back Friday, April 29th for the IUI. Brandon stopped back by the doctor’s office on our way out and asked him about the chance of having twins, since we had two follicles that were so close in size. The doctor said the probability was slightly higher, about 5%-7%. I think Brandon immediately began praying for twins. “Two for the price of one” was his reasoning.
Then began the two week wait. It was agonizing. Thankfully, there were very few people who knew we were having the IUI. I did not want to be pestered on May 13th, when we found out whether I was pregnant or not. I decided to take a test on May 12th, and it was positive, but Brandon wanted me to wait the full two weeks, just in case. The trigger shot does stay in your system for 7-10 days and could result in a false positive, so we wanted to make sure all of it was out of my system. We called the doctor’s office and I had blood work done that Friday, May 13th and again Monday, May 16th, to make sure my levels were increasing like they should be. They are supposed to double every two days. After three days, my levels were more than doubling, which is a great thing! The nurse said I should make an appointment with an OB doctor in town and continue seeing that doctor. After only three visits, the specialist had done his job!!
I’ve since had two ultrasounds and seen/heard the heart beat three times.
We are very excited to finally share the news with all of our friends and family members! We decided to wait until 13 weeks (July 12th) to begin telling anyone besides immediate family, especially after what happened last summer.
Here's the dessert pizza I made to tell Kellie's side of the family (Jennifer, Caroline, Madison, Alyssa, Lola Kate, Aunt Bonnie, & Uncle Gene). I set it on the table for people to read it, but no one really paid attention to it. Caroline, his 10 year old cousin, kept asking why there was a little pink man on the top. I kept telling her it wasn't a little pink man! Finally, Brandon told his cousin Jennifer to read what it said, and she quickly figured it out! They were pretty excited about the news!!
For my mom's side of the family (Grandmother, PawPaw Harold, Aunt Emily, Uncle Harold, Kay, Aunt Charlotte) and my dad's side of the family (MamMaw, Aunt Judy, Uncle Eric, Courtney, Quentin, Julianne, and Peyton), we put a little baby under everyone's piece of German Chocolate Cake! You should have seen the look on MamMaw's face--she was THRILLED! We texted the family members that weren't able to attend these two pictures. They all figured it out pretty quickly!
We’ve had quite a busy week going around town to tell various family members and friends! We will find out the gender on August 15th and that’s when we will plan to post on social media, so please don’t ruin our fun by posting about it before you see a post from me! I’m due 1-17-17, which is exactly 11 months after I was due last year. Thank you for taking the time to read through my lengthy post. If you have any questions about anything, please feel free to ask. I’m not shy about sharing it with people who ask about it, I just don’t like to put everything out on social media for the world to see!
There are some things that people struggle with that aren’t ever discussed—infertility and miscarriage. Yep, those two words that are often whispered about behind closed doors, but never out in the open. I used to wonder why people never broadcast those issues, so that people could pray for the situation or maybe offer advice that could help. How naïve was I, right? Granted, some people are open about it, but I’ve learned most aren’t. Up until now, I’ve been one to tell a small number of people our struggles. It is not that I don’t want people to know, but I don’t want the questions and “advice” that goes along with it. I *know* some people mean well, but hearing “it was for the best” or “so are you pregnant again yet?!” (when it’s been only a month since you had your miscarriage) got old pretty quickly. However, I was shocked, in a good way, that some people found out, told me they were so sorry and praying for me, and then, did not offer any unsought advice, only mentioning if I wanted their advice/experience, they would share, but only if I asked. Most people do have good intentions, but unless you’ve experienced a miscarriage or struggle with infertility, it is hard to know how to help.
I thought people may appreciate knowing our journey. Some people may already know our journey. I have told people in person some of it, but I thought it would be good to write it all down for those who are interested in reading it, especially those friends and family members who live out of town. It all started in November/December of 2012. I was within a semester of finishing my Master’s, Gifted Certification, and +30 (30 additional hours beyond my Master’s, which in the teaching field results in a pay increase similar to the raise that results from a Master’s degree). I took 39 hours that school year, along with teaching Algebra II, Geometry, Pre-Calculus, and Calculus. I was stressed to the max, and I was constantly getting headaches, which I thought may be related to the birth control I was taking. Brandon told me I was having lots of headaches, more than he thought was normal. I honestly believe he thought I was making them up sometimes; oh how I wish I were! I told my husband I would stop taking the birth control pill, and sure enough, it was the main cause of my headaches. Within a week or so, I was no longer getting headaches. When I went in for my yearly appointment in January, 2013, I told Dr. Jackson (GYN) I had stopped taking the pill because it gave me bad headaches. She told me I should be aware of the side effects (pregnancy!) of not taking the birth control, but I told her there were other options for birth control that didn’t involve me feeling like I was not myself. Brandon and I had discussed our options, and we decided that if I got pregnant, we would be okay with it. I knew I could get pregnant, but it would certainly be God’s plan, so it would be okay. We weren’t planning for that to happen, but we weren’t planning for it to *not* happen either. I would be finished with all of my school work before the baby came and we would be able to make it work financially.
At my next appointment (January 2014), I asked about things to try as we had decided at that point that we were ready to actually begin trying to conceive and she said to just give it the year, since I was so young (turning 24 the next month), and see what happened. She told me to get some ovulation kits to use and explained how those worked. We discussed doctors I would use once I became pregnant, since she had just recently quit delivering babies, as well as medicine I needed to be taking.
Flash forward to the end of 2014. I had an appointment with Dr. Jackson again. Nothing happened during 2014 besides irregularity, lots and lots of irregularity. She started me on some medicine to induce a period and then I began my first round of 50 mg of Clomid in January. Clomid is a drug that is supposed to help you ovulate; something that I’ve learned must happen in order for you to get pregnant. No ovulation, although it did help me become more regular. February, we again did a dosage of 50 mg; again, nothing. March and April we did a dosage of 100 mg, along with blood tests and ultrasounds, which showed the medicine was not working. In May we tried 150 mg, which is apparently the highest dosage that’s been shown to be effective. The blood work and ultrasounds said it didn’t work. I took a pregnancy test on day 27—negative. After another week and a half, on day 37, I woke up at 4 AM to use the restroom. Since the tests say to use the test in the morning, I took the test then. To say I was shocked that it was positive is an understatement. I was so surprised that I woke up Brandon to tell him. While he was excited, he wanted to know why I woke him up so early to tell him. Oops!! I quickly looked up when I would be due: 2-17-16, my MamMaw’s 84rd birthday and the day before my 26th birthday! How exciting!! Here are the videos I recorded of us telling Barry and Kellie (Brandon's parents) and Jeff, Laura, Anne, and Colton (Anne's husband).
I sent a secure message to the nurse that morning to let her know the good news. Since it was right in the middle of swimming lessons, I was in the pool 9:00-7:30 every day and couldn’t schedule an appointment until lessons were over. In hindsight, that was a huge blessing. Monday, July 27th is when I went in for my first appointment at 11 weeks with Dr. LeBleu. Two weeks before our appointment, I told Brandon I was worried something was wrong. I couldn’t explain it, but I just didn’t feel like everything was like it should be. Later, my sister would say I had my maternal instinct kick in. We had prepared lots of questions: can we still take our ski vacation over Thanksgiving, what are the next steps, what medicine do I need to be taking, how long is it okay for me to play my oboe (this was a legitimate question for me!), etc. As soon as she started looking at the ultrasound, I knew something was wrong. The doctor was too quiet; she was looking far too long. I’m crying before she even speaks, because I know what she’s going to say. She starts talking about our options, but she wants me to come in for an appointment the following week to compare blood levels. She used the word blighted ovum at one point. When she asks if we have any questions, I’m barely able to say no. All of the questions we had prepared were irrelevant. Who thinks to have these other questions prepared for their very first appointment? Not me.
Brandon helped me to my car, and somehow I drove home. Brandon went to work to tell his team what just happened, and he got sent home. Thankfully, Brandon called our parents, whom we had told at 6 weeks on Father’s Day and my mom called my sister. My parents showed up at our house and my sister texted me. All of this is somewhat of a blur for me. I remember sitting in the recliner for a lot of that week. I texted a few girls in our Sunday School class and told them, but I wasn’t one who was going to post about it on social media. The following week, I went in for a second appointment. There’s still nothing on the ultrasound, or at least no baby. The blood tests show my levels have dropped from 15,000 to 5,000 or some drastic drop, if those numbers aren’t accurate. This appointment I’ve prepared for and am able to discuss the three options: wait and let it happen naturally, take medicine to force it to happen, or have a D&C. I decided to take the first option and just wait and see. Several people, including my Sunday School teacher (who is a NP at the Woman’s Clinic) told me I should go ahead and schedule the D&C so I could move on more quickly (school was starting in seven days). I felt like the medicine and the D&C were like an abortion, even though that’s not the case at all. I was still holding out hope that the doctor was wrong because I had my dates completely off. Since the ultrasound and blood work back in May had been wrong, I thought maybe I was just not nearly as far along as we had originally thought. I wanted to let nature take its course, just in case there was still a baby inside me. I just couldn’t risk the chance. I would always be wondering “what if…”
The following day, I started bleeding, and it continued for 19 days, most of which occurred during the first two weeks of school. No one told me how painful it would be, nor how I would cry every time I used the restroom and was reminded of the miscarriage. During the middle of all this, we purchased Brandon a new truck. We had decided that Brandon's Mustang wouldn't be the best option for him, once we had a baby and car seat to include in our travels. We looked earlier in the summer, but decided to wait until August to purchase a truck. Right in the middle of this, Brandon learned of a new truck that was being sold at almost a 20% discount. We made the decision to continue with the truck purchase, so we drove an hour away to look at it and ended up purchasing it that day. We had originally planned to have some sort of Facebook announcement that mentioned how he had to upgrade his vehicle to prepare for a new passenger, but circumstances changed that plan. Here he is with his new truck!
I went back for an appointment after I stopped bleeding. I was told that there was still tissue in my uterus, and if it wasn’t removed, it would create scarring that could prevent me from ever becoming pregnant. The options were medicine or D&C. No one told me the “natural” option wouldn’t necessarily take care of the issue, or maybe I just didn’t listen when they said it. I was completely unprepared for having to make that decision, so Dr. LeBleu called in medicine for me. I could fill it or not, but I needed to make a decision within the month, to prevent the scarring. Wednesday evening, I’m at orchestra practice and I learn that a girl in our church who I’ve gotten to know through her husband and another mutual friend has recently had the same experience as me. She decided to take the medicine Wednesday, and it ended in her being admitted to the ER. After our mutual friend prompted me, I texted her to ask her opinion about medicine vs. D&C. She told me exactly what happened with her when she took the medicine and strongly encouraged me to take a different route. I had another friend who had had two miscarriages. She did the medicine the first time and a D&C the second time. She said the D&C was much better because with the medicine, you had to go in for an appointment every week until your blood work was back to normal.
Thursday morning, I call the doctor’s office to see about scheduling a D&C and how that would work. Normally, they are scheduled for Tuesday and then I wouldn’t be allowed to work the following day, but it just so happened my doctor had two procedures scheduled for the next day (Friday, August 28th) and I could schedule it for then, thus allowing me to miss only one day of work. As a teacher, we get only 10 days a year, and I try to be very careful with them. I’m told they are critically important when you have a child! I went down during 2nd hour to find out how I request a substitute (I’ve only ever taken two days off at this point, so I wasn’t sure of the procedure for a last minute request). The front secretary explained what to do and it was fairly simple. I wanted to discuss with Brandon, and the nurse told me if I decided to go ahead, call back ASAP and tell the front desk the nurse said to put me through, so they could get all the paperwork submitted for me to have the procedure Friday. Before I got a chance to speak with Brandon, our sweet secretary emailed me and told me she had entered everything for me and told me I was good to go for Friday.
After discussing with Brandon at lunch and ensuring it wouldn’t be an issue for him to take off Friday as well, we decided to go ahead with the procedure the following day. I called the nurse and was told the nurse was still at lunch, so I asked Brandon to call and let her know. After school, Brandon tells me he hasn’t been able to get through and hasn’t been called back. When I called, the receptionist refused to put me through, even when I explained the situation. I began crying, and explained how important it was that we talk to her immediately and how we had taken off work but the nurse didn’t know we did want to do the procedure Friday. I think she must have called back to the nurse after I hung up, because the nurse called me back within minutes. We weren’t too late, but I had to be at Glenwood before 4:00 (at this point, less than 30 minutes away) to preregister for the procedure. I went and was preregistered, and then went home and packed a bag for the hospital with games, a jacket, books, water, etc.
We showed up at the hospital extra early, because I was nervous and wanted to make sure we found the area in time. My mom ended up coming to the room before too long to wait with us. Also, apparently you can’t wear contacts under anesthesia. I didn’t pack glasses, so I was almost blind for the morning. Right before my friend came to visit me before the procedure, we were told we got bumped up since we had gotten there early. My friend came in right as the nurse came to give me medicine and take me back. Even without my contacts or glasses, I could see the Alabama headband on the nurse's head! After what feels like a minute, I woke up in the super cold room they leave you in until you come out of the anesthesia. They wheeled me back to my room, where my friend was still waiting! She was so sweet! It turns out that “minute” was actually an hour, and she helped keep Brandon distracted and talking the whole time, along with my mom, dad, and my in-laws. Kellie and Barry (Brandon’s parents) went and got us lunch, thinking we’d be in the hospital for a few hours, but almost immediately after they left, we were sent home, and I was told to rest for the weekend. So we ended up getting our lunch delivered to our house!
I went back to school the following Monday and had a fairly normal week. Then Friday, one week after the D&C, I began bleeding heavily at school. I called the nurse and she said it had to be more than soaking a pad within two hours to be considered bad. I texted my NP Sunday School teacher at lunch when it began to get worse and she said I should just leave school and go to the doctor. At this point, I only had two more classes to get through, and I figured I would be okay until school got out. I had been going to the restroom between classes and was staying seated during class because my students were all taking a test that day. Towards the end of my next to last class, I stood up to get things ready for the last class and that’s when I knew something was wrong. As soon as the bell rang, I went to the restroom and called my mom to come get me. Brandon was in a meeting, and I had told him I was fine before it started, so he went ahead with the meeting. I went back to class, got the students started on their test, emailed the secretary and found out they could finish their test in the library when my mom arrived. Mom says she went 85+ down the interstate to get me to the doctor’s office, where my NP Sunday School teacher and Brandon were meeting us. She determined I needed to be admitted to the hospital and we went straight to St. Francis, where I ended up spending the night. Originally, they thought they were going to have to do another D&C, but they gave me medicine and were able to get the bleeding to stop somehow. Saturday morning, we were able to go home and thankfully, it was a long weekend (Labor Day Weekend). I rested all weekend, and tried to take it more slowly the following week.
One week later (two weeks after the initial procedure), I went back for
my post-op visit and was told everything looked great. I needed to wait two cycles
before we began trying again, which was okay with me, because I was not
mentally prepared for that just yet. My heart was broken, but my mind was still
reeling. One way that helped me begin to prepare my heart for a new baby was to finish my baby quilt I had started back when we first began considering having a baby. I never thought about the fact that we would be having a rainbow baby when I began this quilt, but now it is quite fitting for us! A rainbow baby is a baby that you have after you have a miscarriage or some other infant loss. Just like in the Bible where God gives Noah a rainbow as a sign of his promise to never flood the whole earth with water again, the term "rainbow baby" comes from the same idea.I ended up having to take medicine to force my body to have the next two periods. We went back to Dr. Jackson and in January 2016, I began 100 mg of Clomid again, to no avail. In February, we tried 150 mg, and when we got the results from my blood work, Dr. Jackson told me it was time to see a specialist. I had talked to two girls in my Sunday School class who had both just given birth in the last month to babies that resulted from specialist visits. I had planned to ask about seeing a specialist, but I didn’t even mention it before the doctor said it’s time to go. We made an appointment with Dr. Isaac’s office in Jackson, MS (2 hours away) for March 9th. Those who live in the Twin Cities may recognize that date as the start of the huge flood. School was canceled for the day, due to all of the rain from the previous evening, but we still made the long drive to Jackson for that initial appointment.
Dr. Isaac and his nurse, Peggy, were extremely nice. The doctor said based off my blood work from the last two months, my level was 0.8 one month and 1.4 the other month (apparently they need to be at least at 5, but 15 or higher is better), I had an ovulation issue. He said if you have to have an infertility issue, that’s the best kind to have. He laid out two options: Femera (a drug similar to Clomid, but it works better for some people who don’t respond well to Clomid) or Femera with IUI and trigger shot. He said this second option was the more aggressive option (and also more expensive), but he understood if we wanted to go ahead and try it, instead of being more passive. He said we could make the decision later and call to let them know. Either way, we would schedule an appointment once I began my next period. After discussing at home for a few weeks, I told Brandon I wanted to go the more aggressive route. I was tired of waiting and waiting and nothing happening each month. We went in April 25th for an ultrasound after taking the Femera and the doctor saw three follicles, 12, 15, and 16. The bigger two were promising. He said to get the trigger shot Thursday morning (my sweet nurse friend who I mentioned went to the ER for her miscarriage gave it to me—she was already pregnant and was more than willing to help us out) and we would come back Friday, April 29th for the IUI. Brandon stopped back by the doctor’s office on our way out and asked him about the chance of having twins, since we had two follicles that were so close in size. The doctor said the probability was slightly higher, about 5%-7%. I think Brandon immediately began praying for twins. “Two for the price of one” was his reasoning.
Then began the two week wait. It was agonizing. Thankfully, there were very few people who knew we were having the IUI. I did not want to be pestered on May 13th, when we found out whether I was pregnant or not. I decided to take a test on May 12th, and it was positive, but Brandon wanted me to wait the full two weeks, just in case. The trigger shot does stay in your system for 7-10 days and could result in a false positive, so we wanted to make sure all of it was out of my system. We called the doctor’s office and I had blood work done that Friday, May 13th and again Monday, May 16th, to make sure my levels were increasing like they should be. They are supposed to double every two days. After three days, my levels were more than doubling, which is a great thing! The nurse said I should make an appointment with an OB doctor in town and continue seeing that doctor. After only three visits, the specialist had done his job!!
I’ve since had two ultrasounds and seen/heard the heart beat three times.
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| Ultrasound Picture 05/31/16 |
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| Ultrasound Picture 06/20/16 |
Here's the dessert pizza I made to tell Kellie's side of the family (Jennifer, Caroline, Madison, Alyssa, Lola Kate, Aunt Bonnie, & Uncle Gene). I set it on the table for people to read it, but no one really paid attention to it. Caroline, his 10 year old cousin, kept asking why there was a little pink man on the top. I kept telling her it wasn't a little pink man! Finally, Brandon told his cousin Jennifer to read what it said, and she quickly figured it out! They were pretty excited about the news!!
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| Dessert Pizza justus3 1-17 |
We’ve had quite a busy week going around town to tell various family members and friends! We will find out the gender on August 15th and that’s when we will plan to post on social media, so please don’t ruin our fun by posting about it before you see a post from me! I’m due 1-17-17, which is exactly 11 months after I was due last year. Thank you for taking the time to read through my lengthy post. If you have any questions about anything, please feel free to ask. I’m not shy about sharing it with people who ask about it, I just don’t like to put everything out on social media for the world to see!
