Feeding a Baby Isn't Natural at All

Before I had John Charles, I had two friends who talked to me about their experiences with breastfeeding. They both said it was extremely difficult, and it would not come naturally at all. Breastfeeding, the only way of feeding a baby up until the last century, is not a natural concept. I couldn't wrap my head around that idea, until I actually experienced it first-hand. My mom and I went to a breastfeeding class about a month before my due date, so the concepts they went over in the class were fresh in my mind in the days leading up to his birth. I was determined to have the hour of skin-to-skin time uninterrupted by visitors because I was told that time is so critical to getting a good start with breastfeeding. Everywhere I turned, I kept reading and hearing that breastfeeding as soon after birth as possible is the best way to get started. So that's exactly what we planned to do!

I was quite determined to breastfeed, partly because of the health benefits to myself and the high cost of formula, whereas breastfeeding is free. However, the most important reason I wanted to breastfeed was because I truly felt that breastfeeding was the absolute best way to nourish my child. God created breastfeeding and I needed to do the best for my child. Granted, I had a full-term, healthy baby with no complications. I do realize some situations are different than mine and some people choose not to breastfeed. That's a personal decision, and I don't judge anyone for their choice, but I felt breastfeeding was the path we needed to take, and I have decided to write about it, in case anyone ever wanted encouragement on an extremely lonely and difficult road.

After John Charles was born, he was immediately placed on my chest and cleaned off. As soon as he was mostly clean, the nurse said I could begin trying to feed him. After a couple of minutes of absolutely no success, the nurse turned around to her cart and started pulling something out, saying something about how we can use this and it should help him figure it out. I turned and asked what she was referring to. She turned around and had a container of formula and said she was going to apply to me, so that John Charles would smell it and then be more apt to eat! I honestly have no idea what my facial expression looked like (and now I feel bad if I looked horrified), but I told her in no uncertain terms that I was not giving my 10 minute old newborn formula! We hadn't really even had a chance to get it figured out yet. I can easily see how someone might give in to the nurse, because she acted like it was standard procedure (and it might be) until I pushed back. We kept trying to nurse, but he really didn't seem interested, so after a little bit, we gave up and I just spent time enjoying looking at our new son.

While we were in the hospital that first day, the nurses would roll John Charles into my room every so often and have me try and nurse him. It didn't seem like we were getting anywhere at all. My breasts felt like balloons, which I'm guessing was the start of my body beginning the process of making milk. It was not comfortable at all either! I felt pain at each feeding, which I was told was normal. John Charles was so sleepy and not at all interested in eating most of the time. Sometimes he would attempt to eat a little and then fall asleep within a couple of minutes. Sweet Brandon tried his best to help me. But remember, he didn't go to the breastfeeding class, so he was having to rely on me or the nurse for guidance. I had a friend say the breastfeeding class was a bit graphic, so I shouldn't take my husband. I wish I would have taken him and just let him listen to most of it because there was so much information he had no clue about.

That evening, at shift change, we met the night nursery nurse. When she rolled him into my room, I asked for a little help and she was able to provide me with some guidance and told us some specifics about what we needed to be striving for during each feeding. For instance, I needed to nurse on each side for five-ten minutes and the breast can fill back up after two hours. I honestly don't remember if I had been told that before or not, but we started trying to make sure he was eating for at least five minutes on a side. I counted the time only when he was eating, not the time from when we started and then just stopped five minutes later. I did know his stomach was very small, so he really didn't need a large volume of colostrum. I was woken up during the night but I really don't remember how often I was feeding him. I wasn't paying attention to the time at all at that point. I guess the nurses were?

The next day continued on in the same manner. I tried to nurse but I just didn't feel like I was having much success. I started asking for the nurse's help at pretty much every session, so that was helpful. They gave me a nipple shield at some point to try and I think that helped a little bit. The nurse mentioned at some point that morning that I should supplement with formula, since he was a little jaundiced. I said I was not interested in giving formula, since he was still so young. After that conversation, at each feeding, I began trying to squeeze out colostrum and get the drops into his mouth. We know he was eating something, because I was getting it into his mouth and he would swallow it. I don't know if that causes issues with babies becoming lazy, but I was beginning to get worried if he didn't start eating from me, I'd be almost forced to give him formula.

That afternoon or the following morning (it all runs together), when the pediatrician on-call came in to talk to us, she said they were a little concerned about his weight because he had lost ten ounces (almost 8% of his birth weight). Apparently 10% is where they start getting very concerned. I told her I was not interested in formula and wanted to discuss ways to make sure breastfeeding would work better. I asked if she felt like it was okay for us to wait a few more days until our appointment with pediatrician. I asked her opinion about me going home and using my breast pump every two hours until our doctor appointment and feeding him the milk I pumped. She said as long as he was getting 20-30 ccs of breast milk every 3 hours, that would be perfectly fine, but if not, I needed to begin supplementing with formula, at least temporarily, so that we didn't get readmitted to the hospital for complications due to him not eating enough. I asked about using breast milk from a friend to supplement, instead of formula. I had three different friends who were all pumping and I thought asking for an ounce or two wouldn't be a huge request, if that's what we needed to do. She said if I was comfortable using their milk, that would be fine. I just needed to make sure they were not smoking or drinking and had good eating habits. I think she was a bit surprised about that question, but I was determined for him to have only breast milk and was willing to be vulnerable and ask for help, if that was required.

As soon as we were discharged, we went home and while my mom was getting us lunch, I began pulling out the breast pump pieces and sterilizing them. I read through the instructions and got everything hooked up and ready to go. I pumped and pumped and pumped, every two hours for the next 44 hours until his appointment. At first, I was getting drops at a time and was barely getting 10 ccs at a time--total! We were feeding him when I pumped (every two hours), so that the milk was fresh. We were trying to get liquid in his as fast as I could make it. When I would dump the milk from the pump bottle into his bottle, I would try not to waste a single drop! I realized why it was called liquid gold. It's not just the color, although it was a somewhat gold color! After a few pumping sessions, I was producing the correct amount for what the pediatrician had told me I needed to be getting in him as a minimum.

I didn't realize how exhausting pumping every two hours would be at first. It was not fun having to wake up every two hours and go pump. At 3:00 AM, I wasn't feeding my child and staring at his sweet, new face. I was looking at this black box with tubes coming from it instead. Brandon and I were both up every two hours, since he was giving him a bottle of what I pumped.

After about 24 hours, I was producing 2-3 ounces at each pumping session, and I would feel so accomplished after each session. I wanted to post pictures of the milk I was producing and show the entire world my success! I chose to send pictures to my mom instead. I even began producing more milk than he wanted to eat, which was so exciting to me!!

At the pediatrician's appointment, she said he looked great and had gained back four of the ten ounces he had lost! Four ounces in just 48 hours! I felt like I was on top of the world. I explained what we had been doing and she said we could begin to stretch it to three hours now, even four hours at night. Brandon and I were so relieved. I began pumping every three-four hours (sometimes more frequently) and I was getting a little over 20 ounces a day. He wasn't eating everything I was pumping, so I began freezing some milk once he was a little over a week old.

After another week or two, I was producing close to 50 oz a day. I was thrilled to have the extra milk, since I was exclusively pumping. I exclusively pumped for almost a solid month before we were able to transition off of bottles. We transitioned by using a nipple shield and then we slowly worked until we weren't using that at all after another two weeks. It was difficult to transition to exclusively breastfeeding, because I still had to pump at least twice a day for a little bit because I had so much extra milk! I was able to get down to just pumping every day or so after a few more weeks. Once I returned to work, it wasn't an issue, because I pumped at work everyday, so I was able to deal with the oversupply each workday.

I'm currently six months into my breastfeeding journey. I'm so thankful I chose to persevere through the extremely trying first two months of our journey because now it is so much easier! I have a goal of breastfeeding John Charles until he is two years old. I know some people think that is completely gross, but that's a decision that I feel will benefit my child immensely! I'm now 25% of the way through our breastfeeding journey, and I wouldn't trade it for anything!! If you are struggling with trying to breastfeed, I certainly don't mind answer questions as best I can. More than anything, if you are struggling to breastfeed, you need people in your life to encourage you. It definitely didn't come "naturally" to me at all, and it helped tremendously to have my mom, aunt, Grandmother, and various friends there to offer support and encouragement, especially in the early months when I was struggling with little sleep and not sure what to do.

Leading up to John Charles's Arrival

People have asked for the birth story of our sweet baby boy (and I'd like to have it written down to share with John Charles one day, too). So if you've been interested in how everything went down, read on!

At the 36 week appointment (December 22nd), Dr. Wilson said I was dilated a fingertip and was 70% effaced, so I was a great candidate for an induction. I reminded him I was really wanting to wait for him to come on his own. He said everything still looked great, so that was fine. 

At the 37 week appointment (December 28th), I had slightly high blood pressure. He again mentioned I could schedule an induction, if I wanted, but he said everything looked fine and I could continue waiting. I had progressed to being dilated 1 cm and still 70% effaced.

At the 38 week appointment (January 4th), my blood pressure was high enough that they made me lie down for a few minutes and then re-check it. Thankfully, it went down! The nurse said I was lucky it went down or else I'd have been headed to the hospital!! I was dilated to a "loose 1 cm" and was 80% effaced. Dr. Wilson mentioned that if at Glenwood, he does inductions on Mondays and Thursdays and that I was far enough along that I could schedule an induction for the coming Monday, January 9th! I still wasn't ready for an induction though!

At the 39 week appointment (January 11th), I had Brandon come with me, because I felt like I'd have to pick a date for an induction the next week while I was at the appointment. Everything looked great still. I was dilated to 2 cm and 80% effaced. Dr. Wilson said we could schedule an induction for Monday, January 16th or Thursday, January 19th. Brandon really wanted me to schedule it for the 16th for a couple of reasons. First, it was MLK day, so he'd already be off work and wouldn't have to worry about anything work related that day. Second, it was sooner and he was ready to meet his son!! Dr. Wilson also liked the 16th better, because that was actually the due date they had on file for me at the office (the specialist had given me the 17th as the due date, so I'm not sure where the mix-up happened). We left the office with an appointment for the next week and no induction date set, but we were planning to discuss more that evening and call back tomorrow with a date.

After discussing extensively that evening, we decided to wait until the 19th for me to be induced. The entire pregnancy, I had prayed for two very specific things (in addition to having a healthy, happy, smart baby boy). First, I didn't want my belly button to pop out--thankfully, that didn't happen! I know, the whole belly button thing may need silly, but it's just weird looking to me when belly buttons are popped out for pregnant women (and yes, I realize that's not something I had control over, really). Apparently, I should have prayed not to get stretch marks because I got them everywhere. Second, I wanted to make it to my due date, the 17th. I was told throughout the pregnancy by several people that once I got close to my due date, I would change my mind. But that never happened. So, the 16th was out, in my mind, because it was before my due date! Brandon finally agreed to let me wait until the 19th, and I reminded him that we may be having a discussion that ended up not mattering at all because John Charles may choose to come before the 16th! I called the following morning (January 12th) and set up an induction for the next week.

Monday, January 16th

I began having cramps and not feeling so great throughout the day. We ate supper at my parents' house and I had a couple of contractions while we were there. They weren't super close, maybe 20-30 minutes apart at the closest. They continued sporadically throughout the night, but I definitely wasn't timing them. When I woke up to go to the restroom in the middle of the night, there was some blood. I decided to wait and see how I felt in the next hour or so before I woke up Brandon, but apparently I was fine, because I didn't wake up again until Brandon's alarm went off.

Tuesday, January 17th

I told Brandon what had happened through the night and he made me call the nurse, just to see what they suggested. They recommended that I go to Labor & Delivery just to check on everything and make sure the baby and I were both okay. I was at the hospital for about an hour. They confirmed that I was having contractions, but they were coming about every 10-12 minutes, so they weren't quite close enough. I was dilated 3 cm, so the nurse told me I was making progress. Everything looked good for both of us, so unless I wanted to be induced that day, I was fine to go home. We attended a meeting for the music department at church that evening. I was still having contractions, but they weren't anything anyone noticed!

Wednesday, January 18th

I had my 40 week appointment at 1:30 and everything looked good. I had been having contractions off and on all morning, but when I left the office at 2:15, I called my sister to confirm with her that I was for sure being induced the following morning at 5:00 AM. Dr. Wilson was planning to come break my water before 8:00 AM and then be ready to come back to deliver the baby, once I was ready. Anne was the only person (besides Brandon's partner at work) who we had communicated anything to regarding the induction. I wanted Anne to be there, and since she and Colton both had to ask off from work and had a 3.5 hour drive, I knew we had to give them notice! 

While I was on the phone with Anne, I had several contractions. I called Brandon to let him know, and he told me to start timing them. Once I got home, I began timing them. They were coming every 7-10 minutes. My parents called and invited us to eat supper with them, but Brandon didn't think I'd be able to hide my contractions from them, if we went over there to eat (and he was so right!). They began getting closer together and more intense. We ate supper and decided to try to go to bed early, since we had to be at the hospital early the next morning.

I wasn't ever able to go to sleep that night. The contractions were still not close enough to go to the hospital, but they were definitely getting more painful. I decided to take a warm bath, to see if that would help me feel better. Brandon was able to sleep a little bit while I took a bath, and it did help the pain. However, after almost an hour of being in the bathtub, I was feeling uncomfortable! As soon as I got out of the bathtub, the contractions came back full force. I was in so much pain, but they still weren't coming every 3-5 minutes! Brandon said I screamed at him a few times. He told me to try to be a little quieter--he was worried our neighbors would call the cops thinking something was wrong at our house!! I cried some, too, and mainly was quite miserable there for a little bit. Contractions are no joke!! 

Thursday, January 19th

At 12:30 AM, I made Brandon call the L&D nurses to see what they said about the pain. The nurse told me I could come in early, if I wanted to, and they could give me some medicine for the pain. I decided to wait a little longer, because I hated feeling like a wimp. After we hung up the phone with the nurse, I started timing them again and they had dropped to every 6 minutes. I decided to go ahead and take a shower and wash my hair and start getting ready. While taking a shower, the contractions were not as painful and only lasted about 30 seconds, but they started coming every 1-2 minutes. As soon as I got dressed, we loaded the car and headed to the hospital because they were still coming every 2-3 minutes. We arrived at the hospital at 2:30 AM and they got the room ready for me. They hooked me up to the monitors and checked me. Since I was at 4 cm and having contractions less than every 5 minutes, she said I could go ahead and get the epidural, if I wanted one. Brandon was so grateful I decided to get one, because he felt terrible watching me be in so much pain. The anesthesiologist arrived at 4:00 AM and by 4:10 AM, I had my epidural in place. He said I had a "good back," so that's why it went so quickly. Brandon and I both fell asleep at this point, finally getting a little bit of sleep for the night! 

The nurse checked me at 6:00 AM and I was at 6 cm. While she was checking me, my water broke! Once the nurse left, I told Brandon my water had broken, but apparently he was still asleep because later, he didn't remember me telling him. Dr. Wilson came in at 6:30 AM to see how I was progressing. The first thing he said when he walked in: "You got what you wanted--no induction! You were right about wanting to wait until Thursday, because he's decided to come on his own with out the induction!" He said everything looked great and I was dilated to 7 cm and that he would come back to check on me in an hour, after his 7:00 AM meeting. The nurse called him at 7:45 AM to let him know that I was almost ready to deliver! He had been eating breakfast in the hospital cafeteria, so he arrived just a few minutes later. They got everything ready and then I began pushing. Thankfully, I had a great epidural, so I didn't feel much of anything. I started pushing and the nurse kept telling me how great of a job I was doing. She was so encouraging--I honestly had no idea if the pushes were effective, since I couldn't feel anything! I did end up having to have an episiotomy, and after about 10 minutes of pushing, at 8:25 AM, John Charles made his arrival! They immediately handled him to me and let Brandon cut the cord. I was shocked when Brandon took the scissors and cut the cord, because I had asked him about that beforehand and he was not at all interested in doing that! John Charles was wide awake right after birth--his eyes were so big and blue! We were both so excited to finally have our baby boy healthy and in my arms after such a long wait!!! Brandon immediately sent out a text message to our families letting them know they could come to the hospital. 

After the hour of skin to skin time (it flew by so quickly!), Brandon got to hold John Charles and walk him out to show our families and then head to the nursery with him. All four grandparents and my MamMaw were there anxiously waiting to see the new baby. The nurse took care of measuring and weighting him and also made footprints of his huge feet. 

People had told me I needed to be prepared for anything, because it doesn't usually go as planned. I wanted to go into labor naturally (no induction), and I wanted it to be just Brandon and myself at the hospital (no crowd waiting in the waiting room). Thankfully, it happened pretty much exactly as I wanted it to! I enjoyed getting to spend time with Brandon and not have to worry about updating anyone while I was in labor. After a little over 18 hours of labor (14 of which were without an epidural), we had our perfect baby boy in our arms.